When Is It the Best Time to Talk About Having Kids? Staffordshire, Answers Your Questions and Offers Her Advice

Sentinel, The; Stoke-on-Trent (UK) › October 11, 2011

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Summary

I HAVE always wanted children from a young age, so I was keen to meet someone as soon as possible and settle down. My twenties became a quest to 'find the right man' and I also tried internet dating. I had some lovely dates, but think my keenness to have children scared many away. I'm now 38 and finally I've met a wonderful man, totally by chance, while queuing up at the cinema in Festival Park. We've been dating for six weeks and it's going well. However, so far I've held off talking about having children and a family as I'm terrified of scaring him away, but the fact is I'm not getting any younger and I'm unhappy that at 38 I've still not been able to make my vision of a happy marriage and a family come true. I don't even know if I'll be able to have children now, but I can't waste time with someone who doesn't want the same thing. Is it too soon to be talking about all this with my boyfriend? I understand how important having children is for you, but you are in the early stages of a new relationship and know from your own experiences men can be scared off if they feel you are pressurising them. However, if you can introduce the topic of children in general terms into a conversation, saying that some day you would like to think you'd have children of your own, maybe then you would be able to judge from his reaction if he sees children as part of his future. As you don't give his age, I'm making an assumption he's a similar age to yourself and therefore he too may be looking to settle and start a family, just as you are. You may have already shared some of your past history. If he seems to have had a number of long-term relationships which have ended when engagement or marriage was discussed, then he may be fighting shy of commitment and you may be wasting your time. Although you feel time is marching on, many women are having children later in life, so take heart from that and give this relationship time to develop.

I MET my current partner thanks to my friend, as he is her brother's best mate. It was nice as it was unexpected. I'd just popped around to see her and he was there. I liked him and we got chatting, and he gave me and my friend a lift into Baddeley Green. We talked all the way and by the time we got to Milton lights he had asked me out. We've been seeing each other now for about two months and I thought everything was going well, but in the last couple of weeks my friend has begun to make strange comments about him. Through her, I found out he'd gone on a lads' night out with her brother up Hanley, when he told me he'd not been well and stayed in, and when I see her brother, who I always used to chat to when I saw him, he avoids eye contact. What is going on? Firstly, you need to be sure he did go out when he told you he was unwell, because, if that is the case, it's concerning because he is lying to you. It may be the case they know he went out and has lied to you, but I feel you should discuss your concerns with him face to face. There may be a good reason for what happened, but if not, it does not bode well for any relationship if there isn't honesty. If he has lied, you are then faced with a decision of whether you end this relationship or try to understand why. Perhaps he thought you would be angry if he went out with his mates, or perhaps he feels the relationship is at such an early stage, he can still choose to do what he wants to. Even so, that would not excuse him lying. You will find it difficult to trust him in the future if you don't sort this out, so don't be put off. Tackle this as soon as you can.

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When Is It the Best Time to Talk About Having Kids? Staffordshire, Answers Your Questions and Offers Her Advice

MY husband and I have two children. My teenage son moved out two weeks ago and now lives with his aunt in Kidsgrove. He is aged 17 and was my son from a previous marriage and his move has caused a rift between me and my husband. It started two months ago when ...

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